Leader's Spotlight

Sherri Foarde

A Woman’s Story from Struggle to Strength

(Mesa, Arizona)

For nearly 20 years, Sherri Foarde prayed for her husband’s salvation and deliverance from drugs and alcohol. Now a sectional Women’s Ministries representative in the Arizona District, Sherri and her husband attend Celebration Christian Center (Pastor W. Randy Visconti, Mesa, AZ), where she is the full-time office administrator and an advisor on the Women’s Ministries council. Her inspiring testimony reveals her struggles, heart for ministry, and valuable wisdom.

LU: What personal struggles have you encountered?

SF: I was brought up in an unchurched military family. My husband was involved in drugs and alcohol since age 14, and neither of us knew Christ when we married at a young age. After seven years of marriage and two children, we separated for three months. At age 23, I got saved and connected with Christian mentors who brought me to an Assemblies of God church.

Our relationship worsened as my husband used methamphetamines for six years. But I continued to pray for him, and did not shield him from the effects of his sin. In 2003, he finally desired change, and a slow transformation began.

I am amazed how God changed me as well. Now the little things don’t bother me, because I’m so grateful for a regular relationship without all the financial and emotional fears. I’m not in survival mode anymore, and I am actually living my life.

LU: What challenges are faced by a woman with an unsaved husband?

SF: It is difficult for a wife to balance her devotion to church and husband. An unsaved husband often feels replaced by church. His wife finds more satisfaction at church, where she is affirmed and away from issues. But the wife must remember that her husband is her first ministry field. She can’t come home and talk highly of her pastor and other Christian men, and compare her husband to them. That will not endear him to the church. A wife needs to make her husband feel supported and loved. For example, one day my husband was sick, and he asked me to stay home from church. When I said yes, the look on his face showed surprise and gratitude that I would choose being with him over attending church.

A wife may also struggle with walls of hurt, resentment, disappointment, and anger. She needs to tear down those walls, even though doing so leaves her vulnerable to hurt. Otherwise, she will always be suspecting, mistrusting, seeing the negative, and never recognizing her husband’s positive steps. When my husband was beginning to change, I could feel the wall preventing me from moving forward. I was tired of empty promises, so I prayed and gave the wall to God. I woke up the next morning, and the wall was gone! My husband was surprised by my face, my expressions, how I held his hands. He asked me what was going on. As I told him, we then knew we could start healing and building trust again. Freedom exists beyond the wall—we have to tear it down.

Patience is another challenge. Sometimes the Lord gives immediate deliverance—and it is glorious—but that’s not always the case. Even when visible change is instantaneous, wives still need time to relax and be assured that the changes are true. Change is a process, and wives must focus more on the positive steps rather than the missteps. A woman might think, “He should be doing that anyway, why should I congratulate him?” However, that is a wrong attitude! With God’s help, they must change their thought processes by choosing to be positive at each opportunity. They must recognize their husbands are moving forward and not standing still. Especially if a husband has not been filled with the Holy Spirit, he is less empowered. A wife needs to be patient with him.

LU: How have these challenges refined you as a leader?

SF: My experiences have given me a heart for women whose husbands struggle with alcohol or drug addiction. I have become sensitive to seeing hurt beyond a woman’s facial expression. For example, I see clues when a woman has a wall—she is angry all the time, unable to relax, responds with bitterness and shortness, unsatisfied around her husband, without joy and peace. Other women might think it’s just her rude personality, but I pray for the opportunity to talk to her about it. Women refer their friends to me to talk to and pray for them.

God has used my story as an example to struggling women, who look at me and say, “Now I know I can stay in my marriage!” My life shows that wives can really handle a lot more than they think. At the heart of the desire to divorce is selfishness—wanting someone else to make me happy and be perfect for me, an illusion that will never happen!

LU: What advice can you give to other women leaders?

SF: Keep your eyes open to the opportunities around you. Listen to what women are saying—if they keep mentioning a need, then act to meet that need. If you sense more to their story than what they are saying, pursue it. You have to listen with your heart—and with the Holy Spirit’s help—because women don’t always explicitly say what they need.

Encourage each struggling wife to not give up. Her marriage might not turn out the way she wanted; her husband may never change. It won’t be easy—Satan has his grip on our country with drugs and alcohol. Whatever happens, victory and joy can occur. I think about Paul’s hardships; he says contentment and peace can be present in the middle of every trial.

Help a wife see what she can be grateful for. God says that the comforted will become the comforters. The struggling wife will one day be able to comfort other struggling women. She will be able to help other wives know they are not alone.

LU: What sources of encouragement or growth do you recommend?

SF: Struggling wives need to find a trustworthy support system at church, and be careful who they share their hearts with. For encouragement, I recommend The Bait of Satan by John Bevere. Of course, the Psalms are indispensable during hard times.

Leaders need to regularly examine themselves and take a retreat to refresh their hearts of compassion. When leaders become busy with day-to-day work, they need to be mindful that they aren’t bypassing opportunities to minister. Leaders need to keep their hearts soft toward women.

Sherri is grateful that the Lord kept her children from straying and her family from being fractured in the midst of their struggles. She currently resides in Arizona with her husband, two sons, daughters-in-law, and four grandchildren. They have a close, encouraging family, and attend church together. They stay connected through family night on Sunday evenings. When Sherri sees her family together, she realizes, “that’s what it’s all for.”

Sherri Foarde can be reached at Celebrationchristian@earthlink.net.