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Leadership Development

Try Trust First

"[Love] always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" (1 Corinthians 13:7).

I admit it. I can talk comfortably with others about their conflicts, but I dread dealing with my own. My heart pounds, my stomach churns and I want to run. Conflict is difficult, and the thought of resolving it can be frightening.

It doesn't have to be this way, however. Jesus taught the constructive path. His instruction was to go to the person, talk to the person and try to win the person (Matthew 18:15). Go - talk - win, He said, and notice the emphasis: the other person. Jesus asks us to trust.

Trusting is often the last thing we want to try. Instead of going to the person, we want to go to someone else and complain. Instead of talking to the person, we script mental arguments, which dispense of the other person. In those imaginary arguments we assume the worst about them and the best about ourselves. This is the opposite of trust.

How does love handle conflict?

1 Corinthians 13:7 gives three keys to remember about the go - talk - win process.

Go to the person and offer trust

Love always trusts. The first step in resolving conflict is to try trust first. Trust means you go directly to the person and give her a chance to respond. You are communicating, "I respect you. I believe you might be willing to work this out with me."

Talk to the person and invite her to trust

Love always hopes. The second thing to remember is to hope and pray for the other's growth. Hoping for her means working hard to understand her point of view. Ask questions and listen. Stay honest about your own faults. Express your hurt without attack. This communicates, "I want to talk and listen. I am hoping to build something good. Would you do that with me?"

Seek to win the person, trusting God to take care of you both

Love always perseveres. Love is a risk. Even though Jesus loved perfectly, He was rejected by many. Every person will respond differently, and you may be hurt. But don't give up on Jesus' way of love just because someone else has. Keep walking in Jesus' footsteps. God's love through you is a powerful incentive to persevere through painful times. Persevering can make love a habit and make you a better disciple.

In Jesus' eyes, conflict resolution is not about winning an argument; it is about winning a person. So the next time you are in conflict, give love a chance and try trust first. If he or she listens, you have won over your brother or sister.