Leadership Development

Do You Play the Piano?

I am not a pianist. I can read a chord chart and muddle through a few familiar choruses. But at age 10 when my parents bought the used, slightly worn upright piano; it was my oldest brother Ken who showed real promise.

To be fair, I practiced my way through John Thompson's Book I and II. But in reality, over time, I've suffered the tyranny of the "woulda's" and "coulda's" when it comes to playing the piano.

Have you ever wondered what it is about playing the piano that, in some settings, seems to be an assumed addendum to the resume of a pastor's wife, or any woman in ministry? I set out to find an answer, and on my journey I found the following truth.

A few years ago we took a holiday vacation from where we were living in California to the Midwest to visit family and friends. Michael, my husband/pastor, was asked to fill the pulpit on Christmas Eve for a church in need. I was anxious to worship with my large extended family and to enjoy the mouth-watering potluck afterwards. The scene as we arrived at the church that morning reminded me of a Currier & Ives Christmas card. Light snow was falling and the cold air had a faint hint of smoke from nearby chimneys. The white country church was decorated in traditional red and green and the smell of fresh pine greeted us as we entered the foyer. As I shook the snow from my hair, I said to myself, This is going to be a good day. I was smiling, content, relaxed. That is until the man at the door who warmly greeted us, extended his hand, introduced himself as the pulpit assistant, looked directly at me and said, "So good to have you folks with us this morning. Do you play the piano?" I paused and then swallowed before I answered. "No, sorry, I don't." I said.

There it was. The look. I had seen it before. The look that says harsh, hurtful things though no words are spoken; words like disappointment, failure and rejection. Suddenly, I was back in Miss Heuman's tenth grade typing class reliving a terrible moment when she asked me to stand to my feet and with a loud, angry voice said "Candy Jones, you will never amount to anything in your life!"

I took a seat in the back of the church sanctuary that December morning between my two daughters hoping anonymity would excuse the disappointment accompanying me that Christmas Eve service.

Of course, the larger issue here is not about my piano skills. I have thought a lot about why I allowed the whole scenario to cause such an overreaction. I've decided it has to do with balance in my life; the balance between what I am "doing" as God's woman and what I am "becoming" in the process. How about you? Got a Miss Heuman in your life, past or present? If so, read on. I'd like to offer these words of encouragement.

Be Authentic!

God doesn't ask us to serve Him in the same way as others. As a former children's pastor I often preached a familiar message using a basic three-point outline:

God made me.
I'm good.
God doesn't make junk!

It's difficult to believe this if you have been belittled by parents, criticized by a spouse, embarrassed by a teacher or rejected by church members. The truth is that everybody suffers feelings of inferiority occasionally. Our self-concept can become distorted because of relationships and experiences.

However, from God's perspective there's nobody like you. Serve Him where you are as you are. Realize that true fulfillment in ministry comes as we ask the Lord for discernment about how our unique gifts are to be expressed.

Many methods of serving others don't necessarily reflect who we are personally. For example, I'm never exactly overjoyed about cooking. I like to entertain, but I'm not good at throwing meals together. There are, however, other things I can do. My desire to serve the Lord should come out of a sense of fullness instead of guilt or an idealized image of what a good pastor's wife ought to be doing. There is wisdom expressed in an old African proverb. "A frog tried to look as big as the elephant and burst." There's only one of you. You are unique. Embrace your authenticity.

Get Off The Performance Treadmill

If you have been to a fitness center lately you know a treadmill is designed for a steady, paced workout. The gauge with the lever is there to insure balance.

For many years in my life and ministry I pushed my gauge forward, faster and faster. Why? Probably so I could prove Miss Heuman wrong. I was intentional and driven in ministry. From kid's musicals to choir tours to children's missionary conferences to Christian education learning labs to decorating sanctuaries. I worked hard to produce; go, go, go faster, faster, faster, until a serious illness caused an extended period of inactivity. "On the shelf" is a very passive phrase, but that's how I felt. I couldn't work, was physically exhausted all the time and my thoughts were clouded and confused. In short, I could no longer produce.

I realize now that my drive to succeed as a woman in ministry is, at times, nothing more than a fix for what author Robert McGee describes as an "approval addiction." In his book The Search for Significance he states, "You and I must understand that this hunger for self-worth is God-given and can only be satisfied by Him. Our value is not dependent on the fickle acceptance of people. Rather, its true source is the love and acceptance of God."

In Galatians 1:10 the apostle Paul asks "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."

How long since you asked yourself why you do what you do and who you do it for? We can either lean into our treadmill full throttle and risk burnout as we seek the approval of others or choose a healthier back-to-basics approach to ministry, asking God's help as we pace and prioritize our days. Remember it's OK to say no to people and tasks. Reevaluate the order ofwhat is important in your life; God, family, ministry. Slow down a bit and, when necessary, get off the treadmill.

Allow God's spirit to empower you as your spiritual gifts are expressed

When I feel weak and insignificant it helps to remember that to God I am indispensable. As I minister, whether I teach a class, lead worship or vacuum the sanctuary, I have to remember that the results of my efforts are up to God. My work is to express the gift. God's work is to produce results. I cannot claim credit when the results are great, nor can I blame God when the results are disappointing.

Some of us are introverts. We enjoy behind the scenes work. We are detail oriented. Talking in front of a group, or in my case, playing the piano for a worship service, is not our idea of a good time. But we give in other ways, using our own unique gifts that support, enhance and enrich others. We don't have to copy the actions of other women. We are learning to give in ways consistent with our uniqueness. When that happens it's liberating.

Join me. Go to the piano in your living room today and play. God is listening. Heaven is watching. His sense of timing is perfect. Play the song of your life-even if you think it's flawed-to Him!

"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7).